Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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