She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
