I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
