he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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