i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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