His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will be naked everywhere
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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