nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
