I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
not ubering you a puppy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
