I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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