I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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