I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
