bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
