Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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