I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
