How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
