I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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