Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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