Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
