so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
