i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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