Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
