I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
