There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
