just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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