she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize