Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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