last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My life is pants optional.
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