My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
