Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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