When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
