i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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