have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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