Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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