im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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