I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
