i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
