I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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