So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There r osticjed everywhere
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
