She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
