im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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