It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
