i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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