What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
