I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
