Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My first STD was from a foam party
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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