Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
