i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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