haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Girls should come with a carfax report
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
