were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
