I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
