U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
