Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
