She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
