Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
