And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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