So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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