We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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