Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
