Porn is love you can see.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
