This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
