Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
