xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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