The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's the barista slut.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
