Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
